I don't have enough time for my friends. I squeeze people into coffee-appointments. I try and see several at once, so I can tick them off on the mental list of 'people-to-see'. If I can combine them with 'places-to-go', so much the better. I rarely make small-talk, because there's no time. I rarely just hang out. This is ridiculous. I think it's not just a me-thing, as it seems like it with a lot of my friends too. We throw our diaries at each other in the hope of a 'window', we pencil people in, we meet up, talk about our innermost beings, but have no idea what our friends are reading, or eating, or listening to.
This is partly why I like reading people's blogs, and why I must confess myself drawn to the more frivolous among my friends' blogs. Even if we never have time to hang out, I can know some of your little thoughts, the kind that if we were friends in the old way of being I would've known, probably would've been bored with by now. I'm sorry if this sounds incredibly cynical. What if we all took 2 weeks off from our diaries and just 'hung out'? We could watch TV, that's something normal people do.
This was a rant, and very one-sided I know.
So now I'll tell you something frivolous, so that you an feel like we hung out. I listened to Madonna's new album today. I found it annoying. I also scrubbed the inside of the teapot for a while, and it made me realise how old I'm getting. I also addressed 50 envelopes for the OL, and learned a really useful CONCATENATE function in Excel. I also bantered with the IT guys for a while, and realised to my abject horror that I would quite like to be an IT guy, only for a few months, but it would be fun. They get to moan all day, and have esoteric knowledge, and they have passwords!
Lots of liberally minded people argue that the legalisation of drugs will help deal with the problem. Up until now I have wavered and semi-agreed, but today it hit me that the Victorian poor were absolutely mangled by gin, and it was legal. Legality won't make people stop abusing themselves. Having said that, I don't believe harsh laws are the answer either - what about tackling poverty? What about local councils being given lots of cash to transform estates, instead of having to participate in ethically dubious stock transfer schemes? What about thousands more youth workers?
I just wanted to write that bit about gin ebfore I forgot it. One of the biggest challenges of being an extrovert is that if I don't say things, they're not real. In the absence of real humans tonight, I'm going to sue my blog as a sounding board.
It's sooo nice having the house to myself!
The painters have scattered Liz's stuff all over my room, and put things in really random places, but I can't see any evidence that anything has actually been painted. I will take photos for you, and you can judge for yourselves!
From now on I'm going to refuse to make plans at weekends. Following my rant about never just 'hanging out', I turned down every offer of sociability this weekend, and instead waited in my house for someone to turn up. And the Malcolms and their friend Jo turned up, and we went out for dinner, and plotted to kidnap a chubby ginger kid, and it was very hangy-outish.
Unfortunately, I have had a migraine since about 4pm on Sturday, so I am now pathetic. Yesterday I realised I have a massive fear of being weak in front of people. It's silly, because there's not a person who's met me who thinks i'm strong, but still I wanted the ground to open up in front of me when I was fainting. Lots of people have said "your body ahs ways of telling you to slow down". This is all well and true, but there's no time to slow down! Temps don't get sick pay. But ah! This weekend it's going to be -8 in Oslo, and me and some good buddies will be there, so that will be restful.
I got an email from Gordon Brown today. It was boring, but better than the 'personal letter from Tony Blair' that I got when I joined the Labour party!
Do blue contact lenses work over brown eyes?
Number 22 Chesterton Road is the best restaurant in Cambridge.
It's really hard to build a database when you're tipsy from the Christmas lunch.
There are two sides to every story.
Even when someone else is in the wrong, it is often better to apologise. That way, their ego is not engaged.
Central heating at night helps you sleep.
Central heating in the day gives you migraines.
You can survive a morning on half a grapefruit and two satsumas.
Microsoft are bad at making operating systems, but veyr good at making database and spreadsheet things.
Squirrels don't caper in the rain.
My loving brother once told me that Mum and Dad had told him I'm the lovechild of Margaret Thatcher and the Gingerbread Man.
Margaret Thatcher has been taken to hospital after feeling faint. I want to dress up as her for the Madingley Villains party in a few weeks time, but that will be 'inappropriate' is she's ill. See, even when she's been not in power she ruins my life.
I know you're all shocked at my callousness now!
I recently joined the labour party. Yesterday I received an email from
them. It was like reading something written by a class bully at 14, all
about the nasty 'tories', and how we can beat them, and how they said
all our Mum's were fat etc. Here's a little quote: "With
important elections next year, we need you out campaigning so I'll be
in touch with more information about how you can help take on the
Tories."
Now I love a bit of demonising as much as anyone,
but at the same time I really wish politics was more about presenting a
vision of hope, than scaring people into voting/donating! If I campaign
for the Labour party, it'll be because I believe their vision for
Britain is inspiring. The msot important thing to me is building a more
just, mericful society, not getting rid of some particular group. Since
I believe the Tory vision of society to be neither just nor merciful,
for now that means not wanting them to be in power, but the focus
should always be on the issues, not the personalities or groups who for
a time represent certain things.
A few weeks ago I posted a bit of a rant on cynicism. It wasn't really
addressed to myself at the time, though increasingly I'm realising that
I really need someone to tip me upside down and shake the
cynicism
out. I was thinking today about passion. Hindsight has its limitations,
so this may or may not be true, but all I can recall over the past 2
years is being pasisonately 'against' things. I've been
passionately
angry, for sure. But I can't thing of times when I've been particularly
pasisonately 'for' anything recently. If the opposite of cynicism is
found in hope and passion, and could be
mistaken for naivety, then I've been cynical for a lot longer than I realise.
So I want to be passionately foolish again. I want to risk believing things could be better, or dare I say it - will!
I thought cynicism was protecting me but it was choking me.
But
I'm going to Norway tomorrow - land of snow and ice and midday dark, or
something like that. Maybe the cold outside will coincide with a thaw
on the inside. Mehopes so. It's going to minus 8 in Oslo! I wonder what
temperature the vitreous humour in the eyes freezes... anyone got any
eye-muffs?