OuterCore
Categories
Archives
Tasteless
My tastebuds seem to have vacated the building. Just now I drank a cup
of coffee, and it tasted of absolutely nothing. On the other hand,
someone could be playing a cruel trick on me, and could have given me
brown watery-milk - but I doubt it.
What is odd is that normally when I have a cold I transmogrify into
*evil Bex*, and want to kill everyone, especially Jacko. But today I
feel quite sunny inside. I think this is in no small part due to having
found a permanent job, and hence having had my anxiety about the future
diminished. But that is somewhat frustrating, because I don't want to
be ruled by fear, and only calm when I have things set in stone. That's
not security, it's aquiescence to The Man.
Having recovered from my episode of self-pity and trauma at the
weekend, I'm wanting to get back to a place where I'm marked out by
having hope. Right now I feel quite full of inexplicable peace.
Somebody I love once said "My peace I leave with you". Now ain't that the truth?
I really can't resist telling you how lovely my shoes are today!
That Friday Feelin'
Someone has stolen not only my front bike light, but also the bracket - well they can take what they want from me, but they can't take away my dignity... |
Yesterday I had a shocking revelation - I am addicted to caffeine. At the same time every day I get a headache that nothing will assuage save my caffeine fix. I am also struggling to sleep before 1am, despite waking up every day at 7.30. I drink about 3 litres of water a day, so it can't be that - nope, it's a caffeine addiction. I think it's partly because my workplace is insane, and the only way people here justify taking a break is through drinking coffee, every morning, at 11. It's when the chat happens. It's what I look forward to all morning. So every day I have a cup of tea at 8, about 3 cups of coffee at 11 and an espresso at 1:35. |  |
 | My 'need' for coffee made me ashamed, made me feel like a failure. Why? Because I like to think of myself as someone who lives outside the rat-race, and what could be more rat-race than needing coffee to get through the day? But I'm living a lie, because my desire to be (or seem?) counter-cultural is itself still part of the same paradigm. It's like a squirrel-marathon, which would look very different from a rat-race, but is still essentially about rodents competing. So that's why I feel so ashamed of needing the coffee to get through the day - it doesn't fit with my image. |
So what I'm learning is that there's no value in being counter-cultural merely for the sake of it. Things should be done because they are good things, not because they fit with some image or anti-image. So I want to ease myself out of this caffeine addiction, but I want it to be for 'genuine' reasons. I feel like Nietzsche said all this better than me, but you'd have to read his entire corpus to get it. It's about a positivity of 'being'. |
Tee Hee
My menubar is showing this:
It's official - DC is fat. The BBC said it, so it must be true!
This weekend I cemented my prejudice against Conservativism, so that was nice :P At some point, when I'm not being over-shoulder-watched by my Tory boss, I will fill you in on the Labour Party Spring Conference.
How to feel great at work without drugs...
Get up an hour earlier than you need to.
It feels really good - and you don't need caffeine.
The problem with spring...
Is that the sun wakes you up at the weekend.
I have this special alarm clock, you see. It wakes me up with a gradually intensifying light, mimicking the sunrise, and making me wake feeling relatively happy and peaceful, rather than heart-racingly terrified by some sort of loud alarm. So every morning I'm woken up by this gentle light, and then about 5 minutes after I wake up some horrible ballad comes on, guaranteed, if nothing else, to provide backup for the light-clock-thing while not in any way shocking me (ballad of choice has of late been MC's 'Hero'). But ah, the problem with waking up with light every weekday is that one's body-clock tries to do it at the weekend too. So today I woke up at 8!
8am shouldn't exist on a Saturday, especially not on one when I'm still tired from getting up at 4am the Saturday before. I am in posession of that irrtiating (for me) character trait known as 'morning-personicity', so once I'm awake, I'm up. I can't do that whole laxy morning thing, that drifting in and out of sleep and lying there dozing that others seem to do. I only doze in the afternoon, and only really in the sun. So this morning I hauled out of bed at 8, but feel to tired to actually do anything towards today's todos. So I'm very cross at being up, and there's no-one to moan at, so I thought I'd moan at you, dear little blog.
And now, I'm going to nip out and get a morning paper and maybe stroll in the sun for a while, because it really is a beautiful day, and when I look out of the windows I actually don't mind being up. Once I get a blackout blind - roll on summer!
The joys of rearranging
Oh how I love to rearrange!
Over the weekend I got some new curtains, but in order to display them to their full glory I've had to rearrange my room. I'm a bit of an ideal-home-geek, because now even as I sit here at work I get a little thrill of joy when I think about the new spaces revealed by the moving around. Last night Portugal Puss paid us a visit, and she too seemed to like the new arrangement, trying to settle in the newly created nooks.
So taking inspiration from the delight my new room has created, this morning I have rearranged my desk. And already my efficiency has gone up by, say, 50%. This blog post is knocking about half a percent off my efficiency, so I'd better say good bye, dear blog.
Snow time like the present
It is snowing! Well, sleeting, to be more precise. I wish I had more time to blog, as there's lots I'd like to write about - like nearly resigning in a fit of temper, David Cameron, and eternity. So, you know, big important stuff. But I don't have time today, and this is a manically busy week, so I probably won't have time until the middle of next week.