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Day 1: letters
Yesterday I wrote lots of letters. I had a four hour gap, and no-one to play with, so this was perfect. But this morning I am wondering whether to in fact send any of them (apart from the one I gave to its recipient yesterday - too late!). The premise of them was: 'here's something I wouldn't normally tell you. That now seems like a cowardly premise to me.
I also spent two hours yesterday crafting a response to a plea for help from a far away friend. I'm usually not one to make considered replies. I think on my feet, and that's how I got my degree with about 4 hours of work a week. But yesterday someone asked me for advice, and I was flummoxed. So I was very glad that I had set aside part of the day for writing.
Today is 5 new foods - maybe I could fry the mouse...
Where's home?
They have changed my blog, and I don't like it. I'm not normally so change averse, in fact I rather like change, but not when things get uglier. Over the past few days several embryonic blogposts have been conceived in my head, but none have come to full-term, and this is partly because I can't bring myself to write in such conditions. They concerned sunhats, sad friends and consumerism. But all have fallen by the wayside, and I am left here trying to sum up the last few days of the Book of Days.
2 - try at least 5 new foods
I failed this one! I ate 3 flavours of Ben and Jerrys that I hadn't eaten before, and licked a postit note. I think I also tried a new kind of biscuit at work, so maybe I didn't fail after all. I definitely failed the spirit of the thing though. I hang my head in shame. Friday was the day I ascertained that my sweet tooth is almost gone. I would rather eat fruit than chocolate 98% of the time. I feel like not a proper woman!
3 - mud bath
I did this one, kinda, and I can prove it. 
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This is what I will look like when I am old (and a geisha). I would also like you to notice that in the photo I am technically performing what is known as a 'wink'. I can do this now, oh yes.
4 - fall in love
Given that we're all postmodern now, I think 'out' is an acceptable synonym for 'in' - so it's fine.
5 - today is do two opposites at once. Hmmm...
Stages of grief
Apparently this is no longer en vogue. Well I still think it's true. Faced with loss, every single person I know has gone through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
On a lighter note, there is a news reader called Damien Grammaticus. Also, I got to ride in a convertible today!
Hot cross bex
I got up at 6:30. I got to work at 7:30. I didn't have my keys. I went for Red Bull, then walked back home, the long way. My housemates still weren't up, so I sat on the doorstep for half an hour. I got the builder from next door to help me break in. I got my keys. I came back to work. I've had 4 hours of sleep, and I'm not going to get to bed again til 3 if I'm lucky. However, it is a beautiful day and my path to work was strewn with petals this morning, so it's not all bad. The thing that is stressing me is not actual stress and tiredness, though I'm pretty much running on cortisol. No, the thing that is worrying me is that the next day I can conceivably rest is June 17th.
There is blood on one of the letters I got this morning. Should I tell the police?
1 down, 2 to go
Last night went really well. We raised over £1500. Apart from a lump on my legs and sore shoulders, I feel great! And I was SO proud of my brother, who conducted the auction. When we were younger he was very annoying, but at some point in the years after I left home he became genuinely funny.
I would like to tell you about my ingenuity. Lately I have been woken up too early each day by the sun. I have a blind, and curtains, and lining curtains, but still, it gets bright. I may have made it worse myself by using a 'BodyClock' TM to wake up during winter - it a glorified dimmer and alarm clock that wakes you up with a sunrise. But now my body is used to awaking with the dawn. So over the past week I've experimented with using a headband as a sleep mask. But I always wake up with it round my neck. I had the cunning plan last night of halving my hair, and tying my ponytail around the headband, thus holding it in place on my head. It worked - these days 8:30 is a lie-in.
So now I am going to clean our house for my party tonight, do some work for our AGM on Wednesday, and watch Engerland! Rest is scheduled for next Saturday!
Bookends
Sometimes I have days when I become mindful of the fact that, undeservedly, I am surrounded by some very wonderful people. Collectively they inspire, encourage, challenge, help and love me. I need a thousand Bex's to give them all what they deserve. I've been struck today by the way in which we can be giving someone exactly what they need without it costing anything, because we're just acting out of who we are. Recently a few people have thanked me for things that have been pleasures to give, not because I'm nice, but because they've been things so intrinsic to me that I've been fulfilled in the giving. On the other hand, sometimes there's great cost, and great risk. I spent this evening with a sad friend, trying to convince him that despite the certain knowledge that there is not a human alive who isn't capable of letting us down, it is still better to trust. It is still worth it.
I'm going to bed now. I've slept for 8 hours in total over the past 3 nights, none of which ws last night. I am 23 tomorrow. It will be sunny.